do you ever just smell an old perfume, or hear an old song, or pass an old hangout spot and kinda break inside for a couple minutes
being heartbroken is a strange, desperate feeling. my friend described it as this: when you end a relationship, you’re left with all these free-wheeling touchy feelies that you don’t know where to direct since they were all just wrapped around one person. you’re going to have to get used to the idea that for a while, you’re going to be running around with all these tender spots. as if your body is an exposed bone. very vulnerable to sunlight. very vulnerable to touch. to wind. to all of it. after i broke up with my last boy-person, for a couple of weeks i felt my body like a little pond. every once in a while a feeling rises to surface for air. a leaf would fall on me and my entire body would ripple. imagine the damage that skipping rocks did. every once in a while something would happen that would wreak havoc on my emotions. a small bird flew to my window one morning and i couldn’t open it up to give the little blue jay some bread. & as if it were feeding time at a fucking koi pond, all the fish flit with their sharp fins to the surface and i was just a watery, sloshy mess of person. the mirage of calm water broke and all of a sudden i was laying on my couch with my face pressed into the cushions’ butt crack with a blanket over my face because i couldn’t take anything at all. i don’t know about you, but when grief comes into my life it brings all of its friends with it. i’m a happy person until i am a mourning widow. the dead husband being nineteen years of existing.
in other words, a bird made me cry.
yo. heartbreak is hard, and you’re talking to someone who gets a kick out of letting herself feel all of the diddly-doos and drops of life. let yourself feel through it. don’t suppress your sadness, your loneliness. learn from it. try to understand that wild creature, those dark horses that are running through you unbridled. let yourself feel through every low so that you can reach the high, and vice versa. be sad, and be okay with being sad over someone, because there will be a moment where you will be walking down the street in a few days or a few weeks, and you’ll see petals strewn underneath all the trees on the sidewalk, and the air will feel like a sweet mouth against your mouth, and you’ll find yourself suddenly grinning with your arms open, and all of your touchy-feelies have returned back to your body, and you will have gained yourself back - after however long you did not belong to yourself - and you’ll realize that you’re whole again, that you’re you again, and that is a breath that will mean so much when it comes.
asked by phoenixmackenzie